Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Time for a Filter Change?

My friends and I always joke about my lack of filter and how I need to obtain one for the purpose of screening some of the things I say. I am in the habit of saying what I think when I think it and that's not always a good thing. Sometimes I'll mull over things if I haven't formed a concrete opinion but as soon as I form one.... out it goes. But I don't think I'm the one in need of a filter overhaul. The past couple of days I've had the great fortune of encountering two male specimens who need a new filter.

First I'll give you creepy mattress boy. Here are just a few things that slipped out of his mouth while I tried to shop for a mattress and he tried to get a date and make a sale (neither happened by the way):

*If I were you I'd definitely go for the queen size bed because, if you don't mind me saying, you're a cute girl and you might be wanting to have a few "adult" sleepovers. If ya know what I mean. Wink wink.

*I can give you the best deal because I don't care about my commission. This isn't my real job. I'm really a news anchor in New York City.

*Don't get a firm mattress. I have two screws in my back and I'm telling you that soft mattresses are the way to go. I got injured when I saw a chiropractor for a news story I was doing.

*I used to be a world class runner. And I even did triathlons on the side!

*Do you like dogs? What are you doing tonight? Do you want to walk my dog with me at the Doggie Park? Here let me show you my dog's web page on MySpace.

*You've only been in town for a week? Then I'm really going to hit on you now! (Like you weren't doing a pretty good job of it already).

Seriously. You need a filter Creepy Mattress Dude. Get one now. No your lack of one did not get you a date. Instead I booked it out of there as fast as I could.

Now on the other end of the spectrum I give you Been Friends Forever And I'm Holding a Grudge Against You For Something You Said Three Years Ago That You Don't Remember But It Really Bothers Me And I Won't Address The Issue Guy.

I recently found out through a mutual friend that I had said something really stupid and hurtful to this friend in jest. No I'm not proud of it. I don't remember saying it. It's not even true. But apparently it really hurt him. I wish that he would have addressed the issue with me. I was really dumb. I would apologize. Several times. If something is going to bother you for three years, you should say something!!! And now I can't even take up the issue with him because I was sworn to secrecy. Driving me crazy!

It really shouldn't be this hard to get a happy medium should it?


Stacy said...

How creepy. Honestly, do some guys think about what they say/do? I love that his dog has a MySpace page.

heidikins said...

uh... YIKES! Note to self: do not ever, ever, ever go mattress shopping in Colorado Springs. Additional note to self: For high etnertainment, go mattress shopping with a secret recording device hidden on your person (detective like) and release the findings to a) store manager, b) fancy NY news program c) YouTube d) the Blogosphere.... the list could go on and on! Or simply enter it in "The World's Creepiest Salesman" contest and wait for the gold medal to arrive.

lizzie said...

this is like the sickest scariest thing i have ever read!

if i was there i'd of told him to shush up or somthing cause SERIOUSLY

ellesappelle said...

The male mind never ceases to amaze me. Persistence over intelligence.