On Monday I happened to find myself at a ChuckECheese birthday party (which is a story for another day). While rollicking in the mouse fun, I was lucky enough to meet a guy named Branden. We started chatting about the usual: what do you do, where are you from, etc. During the conversation I found out that he is from sweet home Alabama! I then shared with him my intense fears of The South. Most people are afraid of the unknown. Some view the unknown as Arabs, Latinos, Canadians, etc. My unknown is The South. In retrospect I probably shouldn't have shared my thoughts with him as that's not a very good way to make friends with someone from The South.
There are two things in life that I'm terrified of and here they are:
1. Germs- specifically kitchen germs
2. The South
Why am I so afraid of The South? Good question. I've known plenty of normal Southerners and they seem mostly normal (well, most of them). As normal as the rest of the country anyhow. But maybe that's just because they've lived elsewhere for a while. Maybe the people who actually live in The South and never come out are the weird ones. I'm pretty sure that's it.
If I ever moved down there, I might end up flying a confederate flag in my front yard and another one on my car for good measure. And go around saying things in my slow Southern drawl like, "The South Will Rise Again!" or "Damn Yankees!" Sending my children to bad schools and letting them marry their second cousins. Canoeing through swamps. Catching alligators. Oh, and I might become a republican. Although since Utah and my parents didn't do that to me, it'd be a long shot.
Here's just a little excerpt from a website called The Confederacy Project that illustrates these fears. "Another PC myth was that slaves were mistreated, starved, and beaten. Not true, slaves were treated better than share croppers and day laborers; they were provided adequate food, shelter, clothes, and medical care. Slaves were private property and were expensive to buy and keep so they were not used for the extremely dangerous jobs such as mining, building of canals, and other such projects because the risk of loss of slaves in accidents would have an high economical impact on their owners, especially if they were injured and not able to work any more. So much for another PC myth that slaves built the infrastructure of the nation and so reparations must be paid to their descendants. Even after the War Between The States, many freed slaves stayed with the families that formerly owned them." Right... so it was okay to treat people like property. I mean, as long as they were well taken care of. Just like cars or a house. They're worth a lot so you take care of them. No biggie...
They say that to overcome your fears you should face them head on, but I just don't think I can do it. Nope. Can't make me.