Monday, March 05, 2007

A Couple of Hours Down the Drain

All this road-tripping has given me ample time to think about a variety of things that I usually try to forget. For instance, during my 23 years of life I have seen a few movies that should never have been made in the first place and I certainly shouldn't have watched. You know the kind of movies I'm talking about. You're sitting in your living room/the movie theater and about ten minutes into it you think to yourself, "Why the hell am I watching this? This is awful. Incredibly awful. Walk out now. Just do it." But you keep watching it because you're with other people who want to see it, you spent the money on a theater ticket, you tell yourself it'll get better, etc. Afterwards, you can't believe you actually spent a couple of hours on that junk. I've compiled a list of the worst movies I've ever sat through instead of walking out of the theater; movies I've wasted money AND time on. So here goes:

10) Waterworld: This movie officially ended my celebrity crush on Kevin Costner. He was the love of my pre-adolescent life. Robin Hood? Break me off a piece of that! Ow Ow! (Can I have some Alan Rickman as a side dish?) But in Waterworld where he was posing as half fish/half man he needed some serious help.

9) Flushed Away: I heard so many good things about this movie that I went to see it even though I don't like cartoons in general. I thought to myself, it has Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman in it so it should be an exemplary cartoon. I was soooooo wrong.

8) Oklahoma!: This is my least favorite musical and I've had the great misfortune of seeing it plenty of times. My mother actually convinced me to sit down and watch the Hugh Jackman version because "Hugh Jackman is in it!" Nope, still didn't like it. Try again.

7) Full House: Yes I realize that this is a TV show but I'm putting it in here anyway. I loved this show when I was little! I have absolutely no idea how I could stand it. Now every time it comes on, I start forming a rash and my gag reflex goes out of control. I could have spent my time more wisely.... like watching more Saved By the Bell or something.

6) It's a Wonderful Life: I realize it's extremely probable that you all absolutely love this movie and it's not a proper Christmas without seeing it at least once. I still can't stand it and no one will ever be able to convince me of it's worth. And I'm a big Jimmy Stewart fan. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is I hate about it, but the entire movie just gives me the creeps.

5) Talladega Nights: I saw this movie with friends who REALLY wanted to see it but I knew I would hate it even before I was in the theater. Unfortunately I let myself be talked into seeing it anyway. And then spent the entire time wishing I hadn't carpooled to the theater.

4) The Land Before Time II, III, IV...: I think they must be up to The Land Before Time 14 by now. And no I haven't really seen them all but I've definitely seen a couple because my little sister had awful taste as a child. And I was forced to watch them.

3) My Super Ex-Girlfriend: I should have known. I really should have. I'm dumb and my love of Luke Wilson clouded my better judgement. No one should ever, ever, EVER watch this movie.

2) Billboard Dad: I don't really remember the entire premise of this movie (pretty sure I tried to block it), but I do know it involved the Olsen twins trying to hook their single dad up through a billboard advertisement. Again, my sister had really, REALLY awful taste as a child. Barf!

1) Little Nicky: Adam Sandler plays the son of an angel and a devil. He's stuck in the middle on earth. Need I say more?

Looking back on my list I realize that I should never watch anything with the Olsen twins and I'm more than a little surprised that nothing with Robin Williams is in my list. A bit shocking.

Now that I've shared the movies I've wasted my life on, it's your turn. Save someone from the awful fate of watching a horrible movie :)


Stacy said...

Hilarious! I'm so tempted to steal this and make my own list. From Dusk Til Dawn would be in the #1 position, I'm certain.

JenKneeBee said...

I've never even heard of Dusk Til Dawn, but I'm going to assume that's because it's so awful :) Can't wait to hear your list!

ellesappelle said...

Stuart Little. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Actually right now I can't think of any more! But I'll go away and have a think.

SpyderWeiss said...

Hmm, I'll have to try watching Full House again. I loved that show as a kid too. I still think I've only seen It's A Wonderful Life once in my whole life, is that the "you'll shoot you're eye out movie?". Talladega Nights was okay, not one of the worst films though. Super Ex-Girlfriend was only bad because it relied so heavily on sex jokes, other than that I'd say I enjoyed the movie. I haven't seen the others, but how about Batman and Robin, Spawn, and I may surprise you with this one, but Anchorman. I really only enjoyed Steve Carell in that movie, the rest of it wasn't funny, and I was pretty stone faced when he wasn't on the screen. Ultraviolet was hugely disappointing, as well as Serenity. Maybe if I had watched Firefly prior to seeing the movie I'd enjoy it more, but I really wasn't entertained by that movie. Both of the first 2 Harry Potter movies were meh.

SpyderWeiss said...

Also, I just noticed that clicking the "next blog" link brought up 4 sites in a row from countries that I'm pretty sure house terrorists. Is there something you're not telling me about your move to Colorado Jennie? :)

heidikins said...

Amen on Talladega Nights... by far the DUMBEST movie I've seen in recent memory. Other horrific films include "A Guy Thing" "You, Me & Dupree" most things with Will Ferrell when he is just let loose to "improvise" his humor... Not. Funny.